“4 YOUR EYES ONLY”

I have on my desk a book about the history of West Africa. I want to read it, to exclude myself from the generation of people who know little about who they are. But this book is written in plain skeletal English grammars with hardly any subtexts and it feels like one of those books written by academics instead of historians.
I shy away from books like that but I cannot deny the inherent guilt I feel inside of me – I do not wish to know my history. I do have an excuse though, because history in my country means we are talking a past that was better than our present and no one wants to hear that shit.
Maybe it is the idea of reading that frustrates me. I am a writer but I must admit I write more when I observe from my world or when I read from my phone. I admire articles, feature stories and profiles than I love reading history books or science fiction novels.
This new me baffles me; I never thought I would be drawn to writing stories about real people compared to fiction. I am learning to accept it; this new me. I just want to know if it is okay to accept my growth. I am leaning towards nonfiction and I just recently discovered that I could write as an eye; a commentator’s perspective to give room for conversations that people (Nigerians especially) are too uncomfortable to talk about.
I might end up writing for an online journal like THE NEW YORKER or THE ROOT or THE BLACKPROWRITER and I can call it a career. I don’t know. I also see myself speaking about issues that affect my generation. Yes, I do because I care.
I know there are not enough rooms for writers like me who are not ready to write headlines about flippant issues that do not cut deep; that do not make any changes. However, I once heard rooms are created for people who fight for a space.
So as I go back to read the first paragraph that began this musing, I can conclude my point. I am writer who is creating a new history about her generation, for her generation. And it necessarily does not need to be spiral bounded or fictionalised before it can make a difference.

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