“I am a woman, phenomenally.
I am a woman, ugh… I am so confused.’’
Sometimes, it feels like I am running a marathon with my own body and it will take me my whole life to even catch up with her. What a bitch! We have our days – our good days – when I feel we get each other. I feel light and I admire my hip dips and the marks on my skin; these are the days when I feel content with my femininity. My hair is dark and full, my lips are full and glowing, and I managed to draw my eyeliner so well that Rihanna would be so proud of my cat eyes.These are the days when my bowels are stable and sex feels good.
And then, I am plunged into another dimension only other women can relate to. I say this because I cannot explain my feelings to my boyfriends with actual words. I need someone who speaks the same language to say these reassurance words,
‘’Oh… I feel the same way too’’
This dimension comprises of days when I am unsure of my own body. My vagina is sending mixed signals that I cannot decipher – is this yeast infection or do I just need to take a second shower? Is that pulsating sensation from my clitoris or is that a UTI?
There are also days when I feel so bloated all my clothes do not fit into my body, when I am experiencing pains so wild I am unsure what the fuck is wrong with my belly. At this point, I am checking my calendar to be sure if my ovulation is near or am I about to have a double period in a month? Do not even get me started on the aching breasts that sometimes you are terrified if it is a lump or just an onset of your menstrual cycle.
And then when you decide not to think of all these, you feel guilty for not taking care of your body against any health issues like ovarian cyst or cancer.
But we are phenomenal women, right?